This was a short story entry. The only criteria was that it was a complete short story only in conversation. Hope you like it.
“Next.”
Marco – “Why is it so dark? Where am I?”
“You are dead, Sir.”
Marco – “Yes, I got that. It happens. That’s not what I asked.”
“Oh what joy! The conscious dead.”
Marco – “What? I asked you, where am I?”
“Where do you think you are?”
Marco – “This better not be Hell. I was a good guy!”
“Let me guess, Catholic right?”
Marco – “Yes. Now where are St. Peter and the pearly gates?”
“Why do I always get the religious ones? Listen Sir, you died and are now being processed. There will be an interview, where you will be judged and then your final destination will be decided.”
Marco – “Only God can judge me!”
“Ha ha, very funny, Sir.”
Marco – “It’s not funny at all. Who will judge me then?”
“You are Italian, correct?”
Marco – “Yes.”
“Then you will be interview by Aeacus. Minos and Rhadamanthus will also be present.”
Marco – “Who?”
“Aeacus, he deals with the European dead. Now if you will sign here and here. Thank you. Now here is your number, please wait until you are called.”
Marco – “8932?”
“It has been a busy day, Sir.”
Marco – “So this is not Hell then?”
“No. This is waiting room for the Underworld.”
Marco – “Underworld? Like some pagan… afterlife?”
“Yes. Next.”
Marco – “No wait a minute. What about Heaven and Hell?”
“What about them?”
Marco – “Why am I not there?”
“Probably because they do not exist, Sir. Now please move along. Next?”
“8929”
Marco – “…”
“8930”
Marco – “…”
“8931”
Marco – “…Oh come on…”
“8932”
Marco – “Oh finally!”
“Name?”
Marco – “Marco Bevilacqua.”
“Ah yes, here we are. They should be ready for you now. Just head down there and first gateway to your right. Here is a squeaky toy. Sorry, don’t mind the saliva. I just don’t have the time to clean them in between.”
Marco – “A rubber chicken? What the hell?”
“In case Cerberus is awake, you can distract him.”
Marco – “Cerberus! You mean the three headed monster?”
“That’s not very nice. He is just a big puppy once you get to know all three of him. On you go but try to be quiet. He should be sleeping after his lunch.”
Marco – “Err… thank you. Please be asleep, please be asleep. OH MY GOD! Look at the size of him. HE’S AWAKE! Here take it! Take it!”
Cerberus – “GRRRR….. SQUEAK…..squeaksqueaksqueak.”
Marco – “Oh god. Good thing I am already dead. My heart couldn’t take it”
Aeacus – “Ah Mr Bevilacqua, welcome back. Please do take a seat. I understand you are having some problems adjusting to being dead?”
Marco – “No, I get that I am dead. I had a heart attack in bed and died. What I want to know is, why I am not in Heaven?”
Aeacus – “Unfortunately, that is a common misconception. Heaven as you know it, does not exist. Instead, the Underworld has been operational for thousands of years and welcomes the dead from all nations and religions. Let me start by saying, I am sorry for your loss, of life.”
Marco – “Thank you. But what about God?”
Aeacus – “Which one?”
Marco – “The only one!”
Aeacus – “Again, I am sorry to say, that is a common mistake. There are many Gods, just not the one you are most familiar with.”
Marco – “How do we not know this? This is terrible!”
Aeacus – “Does it really matter now you are dead?”
Marco – “I suppose not… but…”
Aeacus – “Yes?”
Marco – “I feel cheated.”
Aeacus – “I completely understand, Sir. I have to say, I always enjoy interviewing the conscious dead, very unusual. Most are docile, not quite as articulate as you are and they just accept everything. Now, any more questions before we begin?”
Marco – “Conscious dead?”
Aeacus – “Yes, they retain a definite sense of self down here, although it is not always a good thing. Usually a strong character in life, it carries on in death.”
Marco – “Hmm… I suppose I was rather demanding when I was alive. So you judge me for what, if there is no Heaven and Hell?”
Aeacus – “Make no mistake, souls are punished or rewarded. This is not a Christian concept. You will spend your afterlife in Elysium, Tartarus or you may put in a request for reincarnation.”
Marco – “Just think of all that time I wasted going to church…”
Aeacus – “If it encouraged you to live a good life, then it was not wasted. Now, Mr Bevilaqua, I see from your file, that you worked hard, looked after your family and even donated to various charities. It is looking good so far. And you loved dogs, in fact it says here you adopted three rescue dogs over the years, always a plus in my book.”
Marco – “I hope they remember to walk Athena, now I’m gone…”
“Ehem”
“Yes, Rhadamanthus?”
“Mr Bevilacqua, may I ask whose bed you were in when you died?”
Marco – “…It was a hotel…”
“Were you alone?”
Marco – “…No.”
“With your wife, perhaps?”
Marco – “All right! All right! I was with my mistress.”
Aeacus – “Hmm, thank you Rhadamanthus. Very well, I will schedule an appointment with the Erinyes. Let us see… Alecto is free next Friday at 10. She will select a suitable punishment for adultery and ensure you attend your sessions.”
Marco – “I loved my wife!”
Aeacus – “I never said you did not. Now the rest of your life seems in good shape. Congratulations Sir, I think after your sessions with Alecto, you will be assigned to Elysium. Until Friday, please remain in Limbo.”
Marco – “Limbo?”
Aeacus – “Yes, you must cross the bridge over the Styx and wait on the other side until Friday.”
Marco – “What happened to the boat and whatisname?”
Aeacus – “Charon? He now maintains the bridge and keeps an eye on the unburied. Standards dropped and nobody is buried with a coin anymore. It is disgraceful but what can we do? We must also move with the times. Plus, there were just too many souls for his boat to accommodate at once. We built the bridge to ease congestion and provide a more efficient service to the newly dead.”
Marco – “Oh… right.”
Aeacus – “If there are no more questions? No? Welcome, Mr Bevilacqua to your new afterlife! We hope you have many enjoyable centuries in Elysium, once you have completed your punishment, of course. Do not forget, you can request reincarnation again, at any point. ”
Marco – “Thanks. I guess.”
Aeacus – “The bridge over the Styx is down there, to the left. Just follow the sounds of wailing and utter despair. But don’t worry, that is just the sound of those denied access. Remember, Friday at 10. Have a nice death now!”
