Guest Post – A Jaded Hack’s Rant By Gary Smothers

June 18, 2020

Gary is right where you are at, trying to get published – but living in Central Illinois. Follow him on Twitter

Do you want to know what kills me? When you tell someone that you’re writing a book, and they say, “Yeah. I always wanted to do that.” Or: “When’s it getting published?” There are more injurious things, trust me, when it comes to communicating to others that you’re a writer. There’s a true ignorance of the writing/publishing industry. But I’m going to focus on my two most carcinogenic pet peeves.

I always wanted to. Okay, then make like Nike and “Just Do It.” I dare you. Writing a book is more than taking a good idea and jotting it down. It’s like saying I have this idea where a wolf is chasing these three pigs, but they get away. See? That’s boring. To what do they have to owe for their escape? There’s actually a lot to tell in between. Never mind the fact that there needs to be some rising tension, characters that are individually constructed, a coherent plot, correct grammar, and hold a reader’s interest. Do it. I dare you.

There needs to be some rising tension, characters that are individually constructed, a coherent plot, correct grammar, and hold a reader’s interest.
Gary Smothers

When is it getting published? This questions ALWAYS makes me feel like a phony. I try to educate by telling them that it’s hard. That I don’t know the ‘when’ or ‘if.’ Sometimes, when I feel the most desperate, I tell them that author Such and Such who wrote This and That was rejected a bajillion times before he/she got published. I explain that there’s a process: Write the thing, set it aside, edit it, edit it again, get someone to read it, edit it again, write a query letter, write a synopsis, mail what the publisher/agent wants (some want this, some want that), get rejected (maybe never hear a thing—the worst type of rejection).

Repeat.

I feel like I lose my audience when I explain all that. Writing a book, they think, is easy. The hard thing, they think, is getting a good idea. Then, you just, you know, publish it. Just like in the movies where there’s a montage of a person writing a book. They madly type away on their laptop, pace every once in a while with their hands held behind their back, then it’s back to writing. The Rockyesque training music plays, or maybe classical music—because that’s exactly what we all listen to when we write (I listen to heavy metal, the louder the better). And they’re finished! Cut to a book signing tour, or a bookstore featuring a large display of that carefully crafted masterpiece.

And maybe all this, maybe it’s all due to what it’s called (rather uncreatively): WRITING. Writing is the act of forming letters and words. That’s it. So, form you some damned letters and words and go on with your bad self. Have your royalties direct deposited and vacation in exotic locales while you brain brew another cult classic.

Okay, I have to go form me some words into sentences because this idea I have isn’t going to write itself.

Gary Smothers 6/18/2020